I almost didn’t buy this book because of the title. It reminded me of the blog post title formula:
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1. Use an instructional phrase (how to)
2. Use a specific number (90 seconds) and
3. Appeal to emotion (make people like you).
Not that I’m innocent (check my top 20 to the left). I just thought that a slick title might equal slick advice. Boy was I wrong.
How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, by Nicholas Bootham, is much more than a used-car salesman’s instruction manual. It’s a complete guide to interpersonal communication, which could be the most important skill you could ever learn.
According to Bootham, having meaningful relationships is a more important factor to a person’s physical health than smoking status, weight, or alcohol consumption. He could be right: it might even be the key to happiness.
People like you and me spend a lot of time on the internet. You’re on it right now, and I spend hours each week on this site, writing posts, approving comments, and managing content. In an increasingly connected world, we are somehow becoming more disconnected from each other.
Humans need physical contact, not just connections made online. This is the perfect book to help get you reconnected to the physical world of actual people.
Making Connections
I was worried that this book might be about manipulating people by pretending to be someone you’re not; but actually it’s quite the opposite. It’s about learning the tools needed to make sincere connections with other human beings.
The first section of the book is dedicated to the process of meeting someone, the second is about establishing rapport, and the final section is dedicated to communicating.
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1. Meeting
2. Establishing Rapport
3. Communicating
Meeting
Bootham describes a simple five-step process for what to do when you first encounter a new person.
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1. Open -Open your stance and your heart toward the other person.
2. Eye -Look the person in the eye.
3. Beam -Be the first to smile, projecting positive energy and a great attitude.
4. Hi -Say hello followed by your name.
5. Lean -Lean slightly toward them in an interested stance.
Establishing Rapport
Bootham describes rapport as that feeling you get when you walk away from meeting someone and you say to yourself, “I don’t know what it is, but there’s something I like about that person.”
The key to rapport, according to the book, is synchronizing with the other person. By opening your awareness and learning what you can about someone in the first 90 seconds; you can subtly synchronize with the person and establish rapport
Communicating
The last part of the book is an interesting discussion about three different types of communication.
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1. Visual
2. Auditory
3. Kinesthetic
According to Bootham, each person has a preferred form of communication that they are the most comfortable with. By finding out another person’s preferred style, you can more easily communicate and establish a bond.
Buy this Book
This book is an easy read and a definite asset to anyone who wants to improve their life. It’s not just for salesman, it’s for anyone who wants to connect with other people.
How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, by Nicholas Bootham
Nicholas Boothman must have learned NLP (neuro-linguistic programming). The three types of communication is quite important in it.
I have already written a few articles and going to write more on NLP.
Hi Brian,
It’s true about each person having a preferreed method of communication (visual, auditory, kinesthetic)
For example an auditory person may say things like,
‘I like what you’re saying(A)’
‘She told(A) me about her weekend’
‘I heard(A) my friend say(A) that…”
These are all clues that this person prefers to work with auditory cues.
or another person may prefer Visual,
‘she looked(V) like she was angry’
‘I pictured(V) her to be taller’
‘I saw(V) her the other day’
The same applies for kinesthetic people.
Listen for these cues the next time you’re speaking with someone.
Cheers,
Stephen Martile
Personal Development with NLP
http://www.stephenmartile.com
Thanks for the helpful review. I agree, a very helpful book. I took a look at it here, FYI: A review of “How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less”
http://ideamatt.blogspot.com/2005/12/review-of-how-to-make-people-like-you.html
You are very right, this book is excellent. My favorite book on this subject still is “How To Make Friends And Influence People” but this book is more modern and scientific in it’s approach and also gives more specific advice rather than broad principles. The two books are actually quite complementary to each other and I would recommend anyone interested in the subject read both.
Thanks for the tip, Ton! I’ll put that on my list.
Thanks for the great article with some very interesting points. I must admit I find it insightful to read your blogging. Keep up the good work.
this is a nice book